Sexual Addiction

“Sexual Addiction” is not an illness everyone “buys” into. They can explain away behaviors by saying things like “Oh, he just loves women” or “She has a really strong libido”, etc. Mental health experts, along with addiction specialists, will tell you this addiction is as real and damaging as any other addiction.

Sex addicts often exhibit some (or all of the following):

• Unusually intense sex drive – which may require sexual release of some type many times each day
• An obsession with sex – an inordinate amount of time is consumed thinking about sex
• Taking risks in order to engage in sexual behavior – i.e. having sex with a co-worker in your vehicle while parked in your company’s lot

Engaging in the above-listed behaviors may be reason for concern, no doubt, but don’t necessarily point to being addicted to sex – they don’t rule it out, either. Whatever the drug of choice (sex, alcohol, drugs, gambling), addiction consists of practices/behaviors that negatively impact your life and that of your family. By their very nature, addictive behaviors are compulsive and not easily stopped (usually requiring outside help). When you can no longer control your desire/need for sex and your life is falling apart, you have crossed the line into addiction.

Sex Addicts:

• Engage in sex or think about engaging in sex to the exclusion of everything else. This behavior will negatively impact work performance and the ability to maintain healthy relationships. They may eventually lose their job or family; or both.
• Practice distorted thinking; rationalizing their behavior and blaming others.
• Deny they have a problem, despite the mounting evidence or consequences.
• Put themselves and sex partners at risk in any number of ways; including engaging in unsafe sex.
• View pornographic magazines, movies and internet sites incessantly
• May progress to illegal activities – including exhibitionism; like addicts of all kinds, those addicted to sex need to increasingly ‘up the ante’ in order to get the rush they once did.
• Illegal activities may advance to obscene phone calls, voyeurism or molestation. PLEASE NOTE: Sex addicts do not necessarily become sex offenders.

The following behaviors are commonly found among sex addicts:

• Compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation)
• Consistent use of pornography
• Numerous affairs (may include extra-marital affairs)
• Numerous or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands
• Cybersex or Phone Sex
• Use of prostitution or prostituting one’s self
• Using personal ads to date obsessively
• Sexual harassment
• Molestation/rape

Just like the alcoholic or heroin addict, the “drug” is eventually no ‘fun’ at all and leads to a downward spiral of misery. In later stage sex addiction, the addict gains little satisfaction (if any) from the act and is unable to form an emotional bond with his/her sex partners. Due to the financial, social, emotional and physical consequences of their actions, sex addicts are filled with guilt, shame and loneliness.

Many sex addicts will live in denial until they hit the proverbial ‘rock bottom’. Rock bottom is different for everyone but can include: loss of marriage, loss of career, decline in health, financial bankruptcy, arrest or institutionalization.

Recovery can be attained by many sex addicts. Before anyone can begin to recover, they first must recognize they have a problem and admit they need help. Once willing to ask for help, the sex addict will have a number of options available: Twelve-Step Program (Sex Addicts Anonymous), support groups, treatment centers and one-on-one counseling have proven successful paths to recovery. There are also different medications (usually in the anti-depressant/anti-OCD family) which have had success in treating sexual addiction. You must, of course, work with a physician to discuss medication and the recommended options.