Sex Addiction: A Real and Potentially Devastating Disorder

By Hugh C. McBride

Over the past few decades, American society has become more educated about the problems of alcoholism and drug addiction. But if popular culture and the response to news stories involving high-profile individuals such as actor David Duchovny are accurate indicators, when it comes to sex addiction, the mindset of the general public seems to be considerably less enlightened.

For example, in his Sept. 29 article on the website Slate, associate editor Daniel Engber cited examples of sex addiction being portrayed in a less-than-serious manner in films such as Blades of Glory and Choke and on television shows including Cheers, Nip/Tuck, and Duchovny's own Californication. "Some addictions are funnier than others," Engber wrote.

Regardless of the opinions of late-night comedians and online critics, though, addiction to sex is a very real, diagnosable disorder, which, if left untreated, can wreak havoc on the lives of sufferers and those who care about them.

SEX ADDICTION: THE BASICS

"Addiction is addiction, whether substance-based [such as alcohol or other drugs] or process-based [like, gambling or sex]," said Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT, who serves as both the director of the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles, California, and the director of sexual integrity services for the Life Healing Center in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Weiss listed several areas in which an addiction to sexual behavior mirrors the problems experienced when one suffers from alcoholism and drug addiction:

• Changes in the brain chemistry of addicts are similar whether they are abusing substances or engaging in other addictive behaviors.
• Sex addicts, like drug addicts and alcoholics, lose control over their ability to stop acting out.
• Drug addicts, alcoholics, gambling and sex addicts all utilize elaborate systems of denial that allow them to act out their addition and hide it from others.
• Addicted individuals often experienced a lack of nurturing and other forms of emotional, physical, or sexual trauma in childhood.
• Multiple addictions to both behaviors and substances often exist simultaneously.
• The process and focus of addiction treatment is the same, involving a combination of individual and group counseling, participation in 12-Step recovery programs, family therapy, and for some, medical intervention.

Sexual addiction, Weiss said, is a complex condition in which afflicted individuals feel compelled to engage in unhealthy behavior patterns in response to life stresses and pressures that they are unable to deal with in healthy ways.

Weiss elaborated on this concept in an article that appeared on the Sexual Recovery Institute's website:

For most adults, healthy sexuality is an integrated life experience. Sex with partners, with self, or as a part of exploring new relationships is usually a pleasurable act of choice. For sexual addicts, however, sexual behavior can be most often defined by words such as driven, compulsive and hidden.

Unlike healthy sex that is integrated into relationships, sexual addicts use sex as a means to cope, to handle boredom, anxiety and other powerful feelings or as a way to feel important, wanted or powerful.

SIGNS OF ADDICTION

Because sex is such a personal experience, and because it plays such a central role in most people's lives, determining when it crosses the line that separates healthy behavior from addiction necessitated the establishment of certain objective diagnostic criteria.

Weiss and others have described sex addiction in terms of both cause (why a person pursues sexual contact) and effect (the ways in which this behavior affects both the addict and those who care about or depend upon him). The following are the three most definitive indicators that a person has developed an addiction to sex.

• Loss of control - Sex addicts don't act out because they want to, Weiss said, but because they have to. This compulsion can take many forms, including spending hours on the Internet in search of pornography or repeatedly driving through deserted streets looking for prostitutes. But at its core, the behavior is the result of a "consistent and persistent loss of control," he said.
• Consequences - The manner in which an individual responds to negative consequences that result from his behavior gives a strong indication of whether or not he is addicted, Weiss said. A healthy individual will cease activities that threaten to destroy a personal relationship or have serious professional repercussions, Weiss said, "but the addict says 'I'm going to find a way to keep doing this without getting caught again.'"
• Obsession/Preoccupation - When sex addicts aren't acting on their impulses, they're most likely thinking about them. "Clients will tell me, 'It's on my mind all the time,'" Weiss said. "The constant fantasizing, and the excitement that accompanies thinking about sex, lead to neurochemical changes in their bodies. For many sex addicts, it's not about actually having sex - it's the pursuit of sex that gives them their high."

Just as important as understanding what sex addiction is, Weiss said, is knowing what it isn't - namely, that it is not a matter of morality, deviant behavior, or criminal activity. Sex addiction isn't about who you have sex with or what kind of sex you have - no more than gambling addiction is defined by whether you play blackjack or craps. It is the manner in which the person acts out their sexual interests and the way those behaviors become a secret life that helps define this problem.

"Sex addiction isn't about being 'a bad person,' and it's not about who you have sex with or what kind of sex you have" he said. "It's also not about being a sociopath or being unredeemable," he continued. "Most sex addicts aren't criminal offenders or even amoral people - they're simply caught up in a pattern of troubling dependency that on their own, they can't escape."

TREATMENT FOR SEX ADDICTION

Sex addiction can lead an individual down a decidedly dark and isolated path - but with the guidance of an experienced mental health professional, it is possible to overcome this disorder.

"Treatment involves stopping the negative behavior, confronting the patient's denial about their actions, and challenging the person to get his emotional needs met through healthy interactions with other people," Weiss said.

Treatment also involves one of the most significant differences between substance addiction and sex addiction: the concept of sobriety. "For sex addicts, sobriety doesn't mean abstinence or not having sex, it means having healthy sex, as defined by that person's life and beliefs," Weiss said. "In treatment, we help sex addicts define the kind of sexual boundaries that lead to them integrating a healthy romantic and sexual life."

Depending upon the nature of one's addiction, treatment may involve intensive outpatient therapy, 12-step meetings, residential treatment, or a combination of these and other approaches.

At the Life Healing Center in Santa Fe, New Mexico, residential treatment is provided according to an integrated, individualized treatment plan that addresses the client's psychological, physiological, emotional, and spiritual well-being."

According to the Life Healing Center's website, this comprehensive and holistic treatment includes the following components:

• Extensive sexual interview and evaluation
• Close involvement with spouses and partners, where appropriate
• Identification of stressors and triggers
• Elimination of problem sex and relationship behaviors
• Relapse prevention
• Introduction of healthy coping and intimacy skills
• Trauma identification and integration
• Involvement with referring therapists, organizations, or clergy
• Shame reduction
• Cognitive-behavioral planning

For more information about the Life Healing Center, call (866) 806-7214 or visit www.life-healing.com. For more about the Sexual Recovery Institute, call (310) 360-0130 or visit http://sexualrecovery.com.